the question of the two apocalypses: prelude

so-difficult mental-psychocardiac terrain

It is extremely difficult, and a serious problem, that the most obscene and base things and the most sacred writing appear to me within this same portal, my screens and browsers.

It is extremely difficult, and a serious problem, that the most obscene and base psychological mechanisms manipulate this most sacred tone, these most sacred parameters, deploying these to the ever-collapsing arms race, in the raging war of cries for attention. I came to understand today how rare and important, and how elusive it seems to grant existential parameters an attention independent of one’s psychological structure.

It is extremely difficult, and a serious problem, that everything is available for use in warfare. It is extremely difficult that warfare can subsume all things and all avowed values. This is painful in the extreme.

This above should explain why they keep trying to build out new tabulae rasae under the name “web3," and why “angelicism” has taken the form of “a pure white table with the word extinction written on it that costs a trillion dollars.”

With all due respect, if angelicism is to have a price it should cost at least 1.3 quadrillion dollars, not the trifling trillion dollars that a network of cope addicts long to raise for the American government with a platinum coin NFT.

I fear each of us will has already sinned on every tabula rasa, every blank page and every morning’s first consciousness, and not in the obvious way. I resign myself to a universe in which you will have and/or I will have failed in this form. What’s the difference if it’s you or me.

I ask if either of us are ever courting misreading. I ask myself, am I courting misreading. Am I courting misreading because I am scared of being understood and ignored? It is becoming clear that if I want to read what is sacred I can’t willingly misread what is base in an attempt to ignore it. I have to read what is base and absorb its disgusting, banal pain, and then find someplace to put it away, and leave it off the table.

If I contemplate the question of the two apocalypses, I am confronted with a need to hone even more honesty than I am used to. I am willing to meet a head there. The problem of when seems dicey, as the meeting requires two heads above water face to face. But now, one head above water face to face (writing) is enough. I have a hard time starting up and winding down this channel of pain which locks my heart to this text. It is like breathing while walking on a burning string.